Episode 7

Episode #7: Common Manipulation Tactics: Are You Being Emotionally Manipulated? with Guest Justin Black

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Do you ever wonder if someone you care about or interact with often is manipulating you?  This week Kelly and Doug are joined by Justin Black to discuss common manipulation tactics, how to identify them, and how to address this behavior.

Click here to download the Guide to Identify the 12 Most Common Manipulation Tactics.  

Justin Black is the man behind the Spycraft 101 podcast, blog, and wildly popular Instagram account, where he teaches about the history of clandestine operations to history lovers, covert ops junkies, patriots, weapons & gadgets enthusiasts, the safety savvy, and the personal-security conscious.  He’s also highly trained in human intelligence and he came onto Thrive Unafraid to discuss threats and human behavior.

Kelly, Doug, and Justin discussed:

  • Common manipulation tactics
  • Is all manipulation bad/wrong?
  • The morality of gaslighting
  • A breakdown on manners
  • Listening to the voice inside you
  • Reading body language and non-verbal cues
  • People-watching to learn tells

Justin also shares enthralling stories about CIA and British Special Operations agents using manipulation tactics in their work or to survive capture.

Join us to learn more about how to keep yourself and your loved ones safe from manipulation in your home, at work, or in public.

Ready to join the conversation?  

Follow The Diamond Arrow Group on Instagram and Facebook, and Kelly Sayre on LinkedIn and Twitter.

You can find Doug at @texasspydad, or on LinkedIn and Twitter.

Check Kelly’s new book Sharp Women that guides you through embracing your best self-defense weapon – your intuition.    

Please click ‘Follow’ or ‘Subscribe’ on your favorite podcast platform, and we’d love to hear what you think is the best piece of advice you’ve heard on the podcast to-date in a Review on your podcast platform!

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Episode 2

Episode #2: Hypocrisy in Society

In this episode, Kelly and Doug unpack the double standards and hypocrisy of the way we treat male victims and survivors, as well as the way we interpret female bad behavior.
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What if your goal were to pick up something a little bit more today than you knew about yourself yesterday, and how to stay safe and take personal responsibility for keeping yourself and your family safe out there?  That’s ever our goal in the Thrive Unafraid podcast, and we’re so very glad you’re joining us today as we discuss:

  • Hypocrisy and inappropriate behaviors
  • Double-standards we’ve learned to ignore
  • The definition of stalking and applying that to uncomfortable situations
  • What is boundary-pushing and how does this harmful phenomenon take place?
  • Identifying, setting, and enforcing your emotional boundaries

Click below to download the hidden gems in this week’s Episode Key!

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about hypocrisy?  How do you feel about double standards?  Whether it’s between men and women, children and adults, racial, class-based, or by any other imposed assumption, it’s high time we as a society become more aware of the double standards we both use and are subjected to in daily life. 

Hear one of Doug Patteson’s own personal stories about an uncomfortable comment that perfectly demonstrates just how different expectations and limitations for men versus women can oftentimes be in our culture today.  Then dive straight into dissecting what the norm should be, from two experts in personal safety and situational awareness with distinct views on the topic.

Then, learn how to identify, set, and enforce your own emotional boundaries, which is a foundational step in the road to learning full situational awareness and keeping yourself and your family safe from harm.

Join us biweekly as we discuss how to avoid the escalation necessitating self-defense classes, training, and techniques, and dive deep into the tactics, tips, and tricks that will help you identify potentially dangerous situations and remove yourself or your loved ones from them before a ‘situation’ ever arises.

Follow us @thediamondarrowgroup and @texasspydad on Instagram for more of our best advice.  We’re also easily found on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, educating the masses.

Visit thediamondarrowgroup.com for more information on situational awareness training near you (or to request it!), as well as more free resources.

For more examples of situations where you (or another woman in your life) should be using situational awareness or evaluating differently, check out Kelly’s new book Sharp Women and ensure you’re equipped with the tools and skills you need to stay safe at all times. 

 

Absolutely love the podcast and want to say thanks to Doug and Kelly for providing such life-altering advice FOR FREE?  The best thanks you can give is via a quick, short review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whichever podcast platform you’re currently listening on.  Tell us what you love and what you’re excited to hear more of.  Seriously, it only takes two minutes…

Thanks for being here with us! 

View the Transcript

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Be Bold, Be Curious, Be Kind

Be Bold, Be Curious, Be Kind

Here’s Kelly’s keynote from the Sharp Women Launch event, celebrating all women on International Women’s Day.

Wow. I look around this room and see so many faces that mean the world to me. Thank you for being here tonight to celebrate with me and everyone else in this room.

I started the Diamond Arrow Group five years ago this month. The reason why I named it Diamond Arrow was because years before that, I had read a quote about an arrow. It went something along the lines of, an arrow can only be shot forward by being pulled back, so when you feel like life is pulling you backwards, just focus and keep aiming because it’s about to launch you into something great. That was a great perspective shift for me on dealing with life’s challenges. When it came time to pick a name for my company, I wanted it to include an arrow. When I researched the meaning of different arrow phrases, I discovered an arrow through a diamond symbolizes courage or confidence moving forward. A solitary arrow can symbolize protection from harm. It was the perfect fit for my desire to help all women build their self-confidence to live life on their terms.

Now-that’s a big mountain to climb. Because each human is unique, with their dreams and desires, their motivations and the things they love, there are many paths to get to the top of the mountain. It really doesn’t matter which path you choose for you. There’s not a right or wrong path because what works for you, may not work for the person sitting next to you. I wanted to find a simple mantra that anyone could apply to their daily habits that not only applied to their personal safety, but all aspects of their life. That mantra was, be bold, be curious, be kind.

Be Bold: think back to when you were a little girl, maybe 2 or 3 years old. Picture her in your head- before the world told her who she could or couldn’t be- Ms. Sassafrass. Remember her spunk and courage to try new things. She didn’t look at a staircase and think, I can’t climb that-it’s too high. She didn’t stop to think about how she was going to reach each new step, she just started with the first one. Find her. Speak the words you would use to encourage her to figure out how to get to the top. Look around the room, you all made the bold decision to be here tonight. I’m willing to be most of you had no idea what to expect from tonight. To be honest, I didn’t really know either. I knew I wanted to have a party to celebrate publishing a book, but that was about it. As things started to fall into place, my vision became more clear. Rebekah working on setting up her Midwest book tour that coincided with my plans and both of us feeling strongly about having a charity component. Lori from Anna Marie’s Alliance being someone I worked with on a March of Dimes fundraiser so it was easy to call her directly with the Launch event idea. Calling Park Event Center and the woman who picked up asking if I was the same Kelly that worked at the CVB years ago, what are the odds? Really cool pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place naturally.

That’s when my self-doubt started chirping in my head. Who the heck do you think you are? What company is going to partner on your book launch event? Who the heck is going to pay you to come to your party? You better have an open bar.

That’s when I had to take my own advice. Kelly Sayre! You have built numerous events from scratch before! You’ve worked with teams of volunteers to accomplish a common goal! Stop listening to that negative voice in your head and be bold! The motivation for deciding to write a book wasn’t all pretty like a motivational poster, it was that little Ms. Sassafrass who was tired of the pandemic and threatened the Universe with an ultimatum. If you take away one more opportunity, I’m going to write a damn book! It’s amazing what channeling frustrations at things outside our control can do for motivation to achieve our goals.

Bet on yourself. Be bold. Because you made the bold decision to be here tonight, we were able to support Anna Marie’s Alliance. Use your voice to bring attention to the things that matter. Support other women being bold and working towards their goals. We can make anything happen when we work together.

Be Curious: The foundational skill of situational awareness is curiosity. That’s it. Being curious about your environment and the people in it. Juliana reminded me that it’s a proven fact women are better at reading non-verbal communication. Women are better at reading someone’s mood by tiny facial expressions. If you don’t believe me, watch a mom interact with her small child who doesn’t know how to talk yet. Watch a woman see her friend walk into the room and know instantly if something is up.

Our natural caretaking skills are the only reason why human beings are still on this planet. No offense to men, but there is a reason there are so many “when dad was left in charge of the baby” memes. Our curiosity is so natural that we don’t realize it’s our superpower. We intuitively feel the energy shift in a room. We don’t know how we know, but we just know when a loved one is struggling with something. That same feminine intuition skill can be applied to keep ourselves safe. When your instincts tell you something if off, whether that’s in the environment or with a person, trust it. As Gavin De Becker states, your intuition is always in response to something, and it always has your best interest in mind. You may never know what exactly was off that made your intuition alarm sound, but trust it. Your safety matters. You matter.

Be Kind: The world needs more kindness. I know that, you know that. Kindness and boundary enforcement are not mutually exclusive. You have a good, kind heart. Protect it like it’s the most precious thing it is. It’s a gift that has no limit. Sprinkle that stuff everywhere! One act of kindness has a multiplying effect and can make a world of difference to the person receiving it. It has value. Understand it’s worth, your worth. You are a gift to your family, your friends, your co-workers, the world.

And with any precious gift, protect it. You don’t have to give that gift to anyone who doesn’t deserve it. I want you to take your Sharp Women pledge, put it in a picture frame, grab a chalk marker or dry erase marker and write your name in the blank and sign the bottom. Hang it up somewhere you can see it every day. You are a Sharp Woman. You are precious. You matter. You never need to apologize for making your personal safety your priority. The world needs you and all the wonderful gifts you have to give. Remember-the world and the continuation of the human race depends on it. No pressure.

I want to thank all of you for giving me the gift of your time tonight. I’m honestly overwhelmed by the good vibes I’m feeling up on this stage. I don’t have enough words in my vocabulary to truly express what I’m feeling right now. As I look out into this room, I see the faces of people who have known me for decades, and faces that I’ve just met tonight.

Thank you for sharing the gift of yourself with me tonight. I appreciate you, and know that I’m cheering for each and every one of you to be the Sharp Woman you were born to be. Be bold, be curious, be kind-and always remember to live life on your terms.

Grab your copy of Kelly’s book, Sharp Women: Embrace Your Intuition, Build Your Situational Awareness, and Live Life on Your Terms here.

 

When your intuition alarm bells start to go off, listen.

When your intuition alarm bells start to go off, listen.

A woman who recently read Sharp Women, sent me these two stories of times she listened to her intuition signals. With her permission, I share them with you as a reminder that you never need to apologize for making your safety a priority. If nothing happens because you heeded your basic survival instinct, you win.

Story 1: I used to travel every month to NYC for work. One night several of us women were walking back to the hotel after a nice dinner. Suddenly the streets were strangely quiet. For no other reason than intuition, I flagged down the next cab and we all jumped in and rode the last few blocks back. NYC streets are never that quiet, it was just weird.

Story 2: Several years ago myself and a bunch of ladies went up north to a remote area for a scrapbooking retreat. Friday night we met at the bar/restaurant across the street from the resort for dinner and a drink. It turned into many drinks for everyone but me. I realized someone needed to drive us all back.  We went to another place that had karaoke as all were in a good mood and having fun and wanted to sing. At one point I noticed two guys paying a lot of attention to one of the women in our group. She was drunk. I sat close to where they were and kept an eye on them. When the bar was closing and I was gathering all my drunk ladies to get them home, this gal wanted to stay with the guy she’d been dancing with. I explained that she needed to go with us, the guys were pretty firm that they’d bring her back to the resort, but something didn’t feel right, and though I had just met her that night (friend of a friend), I was stone sober, and was not backing down on her going home with us. She wasn’t too happy with me, but was too drunk to argue, so I gathered her up  and drove them all home.  The next morning her phone didn’t work and upon inspection we found that it didn’t have a battery in it.  She said she had dropped it the night before, and she wasn’t sure if she picked it up or one of the guys did. I called the bar and spoke to the manager and he had closed up the night before and said there was no cell battery anywhere at the bar.   It absolutely sent a chill up my spine to think of what might have happened to her. Still give me the creeps even now 15 years later. The only thing I probably should have done is filed a police report in case anyone at the bar knew who those guys were, so maybe they wouldn’t do it to anyone else, but that didn’t occur to me then. I was just so freaked out by what could have been if I hadn’t been sober and really watching out for the other ladies in our group. You truly can never be too careful.

The more we talk about the way our intuition sends us warning signals and what pre-threat behaviors look like in the real world for women, the more we can educate each other and build our self-confidence in making our personal safety a priority.

If you have a story you want to share, you can send it via the website. Stay Sharp!

The Number One Question I Get

The Number One Question I Get

A key component of situational awareness is being curious about your environment and the people in it. One of the family rules we have in our house is, validate assumptions and question what you don’t understand. A hashtag I often use in social media posts is #neverstoplearning. Basically, I love to ask questions and enjoy every opportunities to build my knowledge of the world around me.

What happens when the tables are turned and someone gets curious with me? They say, “I only have about 5 minutes before I have to get going-can you quickly tell me what The Diamond Arrow Group is all about?”

I take a deep breath (to stop me from wanting to talk as fast as possible), and say…

I save lives by helping women embrace their intuition, build their situational awareness and live life unafraid through one-on-one coaching, events, trainings, keynote speaking engagements.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence MN fact sheet from 2020:

-33.9% of Minnesota women and 25.1% of Minnesota men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner rape and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes.

-53% of women experiencing homelessness in Minnesota in 2018 had stayed in a relationship, because they did not have any alternative housing available.

According to the Violence Free MN website:

-In 2020, 40% of DV homicide victims were Black, while compromising less than 7% of MN population.

-Native women face higher rates of victimization and accounted for 10% of 2020 homicide victims while making up only 1% of MN population.

-In 2018, the Violence Policy Center found that Black women were murdered by male intimate partners at rates nearly 3 times that of White Women.

-Economic abuse is one of the most used tactics to maintain power and control over victims and occurs in 99% of cases of relationship abuse.

Economic abuse is present in 99% cases of relationship abuse. That statistic blew my mind.

At the National level:

-1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.

-On a typical day, local domestic violence hotlines receive approximately 19,159 calls, approximately 13 calls every minute.

-In 2018, domestic violence accounted for 20% of all violent crime.

-72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 96% of the victims of these crimes are female.

-1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.

Economic Impact:

-Victims of intimate partner violence lose a total of 8 million days of paid work each year, the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.

– Intimate partner violence is estimated to cost the US economy between $5.8 billion and $12.6 billion annually.

-Between 21-60% of victims of intimate partner violence lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from the abuse.

– In 2012, 351 women died at work. The leading cause of their death was homicide-28% were murdered. While far more men die on the job overall at 4277, only 9% are murdered.

The physical/mental impact of domestic violence:

-Physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health effects have been linked with intimate partner violence including adolescent pregnancy, unintended pregnancy in general, miscarriage, stillbirth, intrauterine hemorrhage, nutritional deficiency, abdominal pain and other gastrointestinal problems, neurological disorders, chronic pain, disability, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as noncommunicable diseases such as hypertension, cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Victims of domestic violence are also at higher risk for developing addictions to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.

I do a quick non-verbal read of the person who asked me the question (usually this read involves observing their jaw dropped in shock after hearing the statistics), before continuing.

The statistics on violence committed against women have remained stagnant for decades. The way things have always been done are not working. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. It’s time to make a change and The Diamond Arrow Group is here to be one of those leading the charge. From urban to rural areas, high to low personal wealth, this impacts all women.

The beliefs that influence us the most as adults came from the impacts of events in our childhood. The teachings and trainings I provide need to get to women so they can start making changes in their daily lives to improve not only their own personal safety, but the safety of their loved ones.

If you can’t truly love someone until you love yourself, if you can’t truly know someone until you know yourself, then how can you truly protect someone, until you know how to protect yourself?

Since moving back to the community 15 years ago, I’ve had the opportunity to build great relationships and a positive reputation. I was once described as aggressive and assertive, with a good attitude. 😉 Many people can speak to seeing my work ethic and diplomacy first hand.

I mention all of this because there are big things in the works for the Sharp Women Launch event on March 8th. Make sure you save the date on your calendar!