personal safety Archives - Page 5 of 6 - The Diamond Arrow Group

What If We Flipped The Script?

by Kelly Sayre | Mar 2, 2020 | Tips from Kelly

I just got back from a lovely weekend of relaxation, deep conversation, and lots of laughs with two beautiful souls I’ve been so fortunate to cross paths with. It was exactly what I needed, a mental break from the never-ending to-do list of home projects and the growing (no complaints) opportunities for DAG.

I don’t know if it was the clarity from taking a mental break, the fact that my two friends and I could have real conversations about sensitive topics (with differing views), or that I watched the movie “Bombshell” on the flight home, but my mind was reviewing my personal beliefs and asking hard questions.

Is that really what you think Kelly, or is it what you’ve been told to believe?

Why do you think that?

What if you looked at things from a different perspective?

Typing that seems silly. I’m almost 40 years old and I’m asking myself if my opinions are truly mine???

In my journey to learn all that I can about situational awareness, I’ve had to study a lot of trainings for law enforcement and military personal and think,

“How can I translate this valuable information so the everyday person, especially women, understands it and can apply it in their own lives, regarding personal safety?”

I’m constantly absorbing, evaluating, challenging, and questioning current beliefs and views on personal safety to figure out how to apply them to my own experiences as a woman.

I guess you could say I’m challenging the current status quo of self-defense with the realities of being a woman.

This morning, as I was getting back into my daily routine and the beginning of the work week, I found myself thinking about a quote I had shared on the DAG social media pages last week.

The post saw a fair amount of comments and views. It’s a sad reality that we don’t consciously think about in my opinion. It’s one of those, holy shit- that’s true, type of things.

As I thought about that quote, I realized I could flip the script and switch “woman” to “man”, and wondered if it had an equally impactful truth.

Again, holy shit- is that true?

In transparency, after I thought it, I wanted to immediately dismiss it. I know so many great guys, there’s no way this could possibly be true.

But, if the first quote is true, then is my reversed quote true?

“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

-Sir Isaac Newton

It may be a stretch, comparing assault to the laws of motion, but it makes sense to me right now. If every woman has a story that relates to assault, doesn’t that mean that every man has a story too? Again-I’m not saying EVERY man is a predator. If it makes it more palatable, take out the assault part and think about a guy who crosses boundaries.

If you’re a guy reading this and you’re fired up because you adamantly detest men who prey on women, who disregard boundaries, who say or do things that cross the line of being offensive to women, let me be the first to say, THANK YOU! The world needs good men like you. We need you to keep doing the work to make a difference in women’s safety.

AND, please look honestly at the friends, family, and acquaintances in your life and ask yourself if any woman has ever made a comment about one of them being “creepy”. Have you ever found yourself shocked to hear that female friends in your life can’t stand being alone with a certain guy? Have you been surprised to learn that women in your social circle literally have an understanding or code word for dealing with a certain guy? For example, if this guy has been drinking, they all know to watch and make sure no female is left alone in his presence.

Ladies, I’m curious to hear your thoughts and opinions. What do you think?

Gentlemen, if you’re still reading this, I truly want to know what you think. Whether you agree or completely disagree, I welcome your feedback.

“Each one of us can make a difference. Together we make change.”

-Barbara Mikulski

What Does That Even Mean?!?

by Kelly Sayre | Jan 6, 2020 | Tips from Kelly

Do you ever get caught up in the hype of NYE resolutions? I’m going to work out! I’m going to eat healthier! I’m going to climb Mt. Everest! When I hear people say those things, I wonder-what does that even mean?

In the case of mountain climbing-WHY?! It’s cold up there!

Let’s take the “I’m going to work out” goal. Does that mean getting a gym membership and going on a regular basis? Once you get to the gym, do you want to do cardio? Does that mean running, cycling, rowing? Does it mean lifting weights? Does it mean hiring a personal trainer to guide you in those workouts?

Saying you’re going to work out is a broad statement and means something different to everyone.

Maybe you’re someone who thinks NYE resolutions are overrated so I’ll use a different example. Getting directions.

My husband and I decided it was time to update our boys’ playroom. They need desks to work at and shelves to show off their lego creations. I found everything I needed at IKEA online, and chose the click-and-collect option for pickup. I’m not familiar with this particular store and I’d never used the order pickup system before. When I finalized my order, it gave me the following directions.

“The closest parking is on the upper deck of parking garage on south side. Enter through the Returns & Exchanges entrance and turn to your left. Continue to the Order Pick up desk and ask for your order by the order number.”

What does that even mean? Is there a big sign on the outside of the building telling me which entrance I should go in? Is there a loading dock? Do I leave my truck parked near the doors while we walk in to get our items? Will anyone be able to help me lift the boxes in the truck?

So often, the people writing directions have details in their heads they assume everyone knows, and they forget to share them.

That’s exactly what I think of when someone says, “you need to be more situationally aware”.

Great!

What the hell does that mean?!?

Be more aware of what? What am I looking for? How should I act when I’m out in public? How should I act when I’m out with friends? How should I act when I’m with my kids by myself? Trying to keep your eyes on small children WHILE being aware of your surroundings is a constant balancing act.

Look at the kids, look around, look at the kids, look around…now, what was I doing again? Oh yea, trying to find the next item on my grocery list.

Crap! Where did the kids go?!?

Simply telling women to be more situationally aware is too vague.

That’s where The Diamond Arrow Group steps in. We teach you how your intuition works. How it communicates with you, so you know what to listen for. We teach you the behaviors to watch for, so you know when someone is testing your boundaries. We talk about using ALL your senses to inform you of your surroundings. We teach simple daily habits to practice, so you are present in your daily life.

Do you prefer to learn by taking online classes?

We have an entire video training series you can take from the comfort of your own home.

Do you prefer taking classes in person?

Our first public class of 2020 is open for registration.

Do you prefer from a presentation on the subject?

We offer hour-long sessions that work great for lunch and learn meetings or networking groups.

Do you prefer one-on-one coaching?

We offer private lessons where we come to you.

We learn about you and start where you are today. We take your natural strengths in to account, and work with you to build self-confidence in your personal safety abilities. We truly believe everyone can learn to be more situationally aware than they were yesterday.

I’m excited to announce something new for 2020. Emergency Action Plan facilitation for private business and public facilities.

Most companies have a large, three-ring binder with what to do in case of a fire, tornado, or flood. When was the last time it was updated? Does it include active shooter incidents or bomb threats? Do all employees know the procedure for accountability in the event of an evacuation? The last thing anyone wants to worry about is where is everyone and are they safe. Yes-there are many templates and tons of information to download from the internet. But what HR Manager has the time to figure out what applies to their specific company?

That where we come in. We will sit down with a business, review the current emergency plan or help create a new one from scratch, and offer suggestions on training or lead trainings for all employees. We provide clear guidance and assistance so companies feel confident in their plan.

The mission of The Diamond Arrow Group is to help people, especially women, gain confidence to live life on their own terms.

How can we help you?

“Vagueness leads to assumptions, where no one knows what’s going on.

Being specific opens the door to clarity, which leads to success.”

-Kelly Sayre

Did The Creepy Dude Become a Hood Ornament or Not?

by Kelly Sayre | Dec 9, 2019 | Tips from Kelly

Last week, my dear friend Kelly Radi was the featured author during Ladies Night // Holiday Style at Copper Pony. I hadn’t stopped by to see this store that everyone raves about, I needed a hostess gift, and I wanted to show support for Kelly’s latest book, Wonder-Full. I thought this would be the perfect excuse to get out of the house by myself and spend time smelling yummy candles and laughing at sarcastic home décor.

My original plan was to be there at the beginning of the event (5pm) and get out before it got too crowded. Unfortunately, my husband had to stay at work longer that day, so I didn’t get out the door until 6:30pm. The reason this little nugget of info is important, is it changes who you are likely to encounter walking down the street.

The event was in full swing at the store, which is located in our downtown area. Parking is available on the streets and there are parking ramps and large lots within walking distance. I drove around until I found street parking that was in front of a well-lit building and around the corner from the store. I grabbed my J5 flashlight, kept it in my right hand, and stuck my hand in my jacket pocket. My handbag went over my shoulder and I walked without incident to the store.

The store is so cute!! I saw lots of people I knew, I wondered around and collected a lot more than one hostess gift, and as I was about to leave, a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile walked in. We lamented about the busyness of the season and how we needed to get together to catch up. She works downtown and her car was parked in one of the lots further away. I offered to drive her to her car and wait while it warmed up so we could chat.

Since she had just gotten there and needed to pick up a gift, I said I would get my vehicle, and drive around and pick her up when she was finished. I went back to my truck and then pulled out of my spot to find a spot closer to the store front. I ended up doing a couple of laps around the block before I spotted an opening near the front of a restaurant.

It was a spot you would drive into instead of needing to parallel park. As I pulled in, my headlights showed an older man, probably in his 60’s or 70’s, squatted down smoking a cigarette. He was tucked in a corner by the entrance to a business that was closed for the night.

Pause

(Let’s hit pause to break down the moving parts. Our intuition processes information faster than we can consciously analyze so it’s important to slow it down after the fact to understand key signals.)

-It’s not unusual to see someone smoking outside an establishment, tucked into a building to get out of the wind.

-Observing his appearance and the fact that he was squatting or sitting down on the sidewalk, I guessed that he could be one of our homeless population.

-Whenever I put my truck in park, all the doors automatically unlock. I always re-lock the doors out of habit for safety. I locked my doors instinctively in that moment.

-I turned off my headlights so they wouldn’t be shining in his eyes.

Resume

I texted my friend to let her know where I was parked and asked her to text me when she was walking out the door.

In the short time it took me to send the text, the man had stood up, and was now standing at the front of my truck on the sidewalk.

Pause

-I wasn’t alarmed by him standing there but I did raise my awareness. I didn’t see a backpack on his shoulders, and he didn’t have any items under his arms.

-I couldn’t see his hands because they were below my field of vision over my hood.

-He didn’t have an expression on his face, it was simply blank.

Resume

I didn’t want to grab my phone to text my friend because I didn’t want to be distracted. I did look at him again to make sure he knew I noticed him.

Pause

-The different options for action started going through my head. Do I wave him along? Do I turn my headlights back on and flash them, hoping he’ll get the hint and walk away? Do I crack my window enough to tell him to please get away from the front of my truck? Or do I back out of my perfect parking spot and drive away?

Resume

My mental processing probably took 10 seconds, but having the man STILL standing there, staring at me, made it feel like a lot longer. By this time, I was uncomfortable because he had no reason to be standing there and had not changed his facial expression or tried saying anything to me.

I decided to go with the last option.

I turned my headlights back on, put my truck in reverse, and backed out of the spot.

As I started to drive away, I looked towards him. He had already turned and was walking into the restaurant. I muttered “jerk” and drove away. If he was a patron of the restaurant who had simply stepped outside to smoke, why did he have to stand at the front of my truck staring at me? Why didn’t he just walk back into the restaurant when he finished his smoke?

Honestly, I think I was more upset about losing my parking spot at that moment.

Fast forward to the end of the night when I recounted this experience to my husband. If you’re new to following The Diamond Arrow Group, my husband works in the Police Department for our city. This gives context to our conversation.

Here are the highlights.

Husband: Why didn’t you lay on your horn and tell him to get out of there?

Me: He wasn’t doing anything threatening, I didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to myself, and it was easy enough to drive away.

As women, we don’t want to cause a scene every time a creeper does something that makes us uncomfortable. We already keep moments when we get that “weird feeling” to ourselves because we hear “you’re over-reacting” or “don’t be judgmental”. Plus, we’ve all been told “don’t cry wolf because when something DOES happen, no one will respond”.

Now let’s be clear, I’m not saying women are “crying wolf” when they talk about something that happened to them. I’m bringing this up because in our minds, we have to save those imaginary please believe me cards for the time when something really major happens.

The problem with that mentality is, who decides what’s trivial and what’s major?

Husband: I think I know who you’re talking about. Did you snap a picture of him?

Me: No, that thought didn’t cross my mind.

When we were on this topic, I questioned myself too. Why DIDN’T I take a picture of him? My husband said I could pretend I was FaceTiming with someone and take a picture without the guy even knowing.

As I mentally pictured raising my phone and pretending to take a picture, I wondered if that would have caused him to get angry. Going back to my earlier point, women don’t want to cause a scene. I don’t think I could be sly enough to get a picture without him knowing what I was doing.

Husband: If you saw him again, would you recognize him?

Me: I’m pretty sure I would.

This part of the conversation went into the reporting to law enforcement discussion. My husband WANTS women to report behaviors like this. The reason is because he can let other officers know and be watching for the behavior. What if this guy does this to women all the time? What if he’s done worse?

IMPORTANT NOTE: Everyone should have the non-emergency number for their local law enforcement agency saved in their phone. If you don’t, open a browser window right now and search to find it.

Husband: Did you say anything to him at all?

Me: Nope, I didn’t want to give an opening to conversation and have him get close to my window.

Again, I would rather avoid elevating the situation. I had no desire to start a conversation. I simply wanted to be left alone in my nice parking spot.

Our discussion was interesting. I kept saying, “if I wasn’t doing work on situational awareness and wasn’t married to a cop, I probably wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

This was a non-event in my mind. For others, it might have really bugged them, and they would’ve done something different. Maybe they would’ve honked the horn. Maybe they would’ve motioned for the guy to move along. Maybe they would’ve stayed in the parking spot and not cared about the guy standing there.

As long as you do whatever you feel comfortable doing to stay safe, that’s all that matters. The important part is to do something. Consider your options, decide on one that works for you, and then do it.

I’ve studied all things relating to situational awareness and self-defense for years, and I’m still learning. I hear from so many of you “nothing happened but…I got this weird vibe”. It’s very real. Your senses are constantly taking in information. Your subconscious is always processing that information, deciding what message to send to your consciousness. Your intuition is taking that message and delivering it in physical ways (chills up your spine, nagging thoughts, knots in your stomach). Pay attention and never discount your intuition.

“Intuition is always right in at least two important ways;

It is always in response to something. It always has your best interest at heart”

–Gavin De Becker

Forget Perfect, Be Resilient

by Kelly Sayre | Sep 3, 2019 | Tips from Kelly

You Can Do A lot of Things Right…And Still Have Something Bad Happen

A follower on IG messaged me about an incident that happened to her a few years ago.

“I love your messages on here about how to stay safe. Just a quick note that even when you do everything ‘right’, you can still be a victim. Several years ago, I was mugged in uptown in Minneapolis. It was light outside, I was walking with my head up, gave the 4 guys eye contact and smiled and as they passed me, I got jumped. I’m fine, all 4 were caught that night and were convicted. I guess the moral of the story was there are people that will find a way to be evil. And there are heros too…so just be aware. A guy across the street immediately came running (towards me) and I luckily had my cell phone in my pocket, not my purse (they took that) and I was able to call 9-1-1 and could say what each of them was wearing and what direction they were running in. Again, awareness is key, but also sometimes crap happens and it’s how you respond that can be just as important. You don’t want a false sense of security, nor to live in fear.”

When I asked her what the one thing she would want all women to learn from her experience, she said this:

“Trust your instincts but believe in good in the world. Bad things can happen when you least expect it, but people can also surprise you and be heros too. There isn’t a perfect solution to safety, but you can take steps to be safer…but don’t let fear stop you…make it drive you forward. Truthfully-what (is) learned is you truly don’t have control…but you can control how you handle life situations.”

BOOM. Read that again, “but you can control how you handle life situations.”

Resiliency: noun

The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

It’s Not Easy

Resiliency is such an important character trait. Life is hard. We all make mistakes. We’ve all had bad things happen to us (bad being relative). The most important thing to do is to get back up and keep moving forward.

Let’s Be Real

As my husband likes to say,

“Bad things almost always happen to bad people. Unfortunately, sometimes bad things happen to good people.”

We can get caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe it’s the late-night trip to the store to pick up the class snack your kid just told you they need tomorrow. Maybe it’s having to stop at that creepy gas station at night because you completely forgot to fill up your tank earlier in the day. Maybe it’s making the smart decision to get a taxi after two glasses of wine with friends, only to have the driver start making inappropriate comments.

Cue the Armchair Warriors

All the armchair warriors of the world can dissect your choices AFTER the fact and from the comfort of their own home. The truth is, we all make better decisions with hindsight. Sure, your kid could’ve told you earlier that they were in charge of bringing snack the next day. Of course, you could have given yourself enough time to fill up your gas tank earlier in the day. Did you need to drink to hang out with friends? (no, but I’m not one to turn down a good glass of vino-let’s be honest!)

I don’t believe there is such a thing as perfect situational awareness. Things happen that are beyond our control. It’s how we work through the aftermath that matters.

What Does Resiliency Have to do with Awareness?

Great question.

With resiliency comes the confidence that no matter what happens, you won’t give up and you’ll come back even stronger. You can do all the right things to be aware of your surroundings, and still have something happen to you. You can have the best intentions to stay present and alert, and still get distracted or stop paying attention for a moment.

Maybe you have small children who are always saying “Watch me mom!”
Maybe it’s a call from a friend or family member while you’re walking to your car after work.
Maybe you’ve had a really long day and you zone out while driving home.

To stay 100% aware of your surroundings, all of the time, is impossible. Instead, build your resiliency so you have the confidence that you can take whatever curveballs life throws at you.

You Don’t Have To Be Perfect, You Need To Be Resilient

In her article, “The Art of Resilience”, Hara Estroff Marano, states:

“Resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs.”

“It’s possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent. It’s possible to fortify your psyche. It’s possible to develop a sense of mastery.”

Being physically attacked is an awful thing to experience, and yet if you can use your resiliency skills to say, “I’m not perfect and this event does not define me”, your ability to recover and help law enforcement find your attacker(s) will increase exponentially. Going back to the story shared by our follower, she was aware of her surroundings and even looked right at the attackers- and they still mugged her. Because she was resilient and quickly took control of her situation, she was able to give physical descriptions and the direction they ran to police, who were then able to apprehend and charge all 4 attackers. Kudos to her!

Going Forward

I hope you’re never in a life or death situation.

I hope you never find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I hope you practice being present and aware of your surroundings every day.

I hope you build your resilience with the knowledge that you are a fighter. That if someone is trying to bring you down, mentally or physically, you won’t go down easy and you won’t go do without a fight. You are smart, you are brave, and you won’t give up.

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”

Steve Maraboli

Men Just Don’t Understand

by Kelly Sayre | Aug 19, 2019 | Tips from Kelly

They Have the Knowledge

Over the last two years, I’ve had numerous conversations with male experts in the fields of personal safety, self-defense, and protection. Every one of them has a vast wealth of knowledge on the subjects and want to help women learn how to improve their personal safety skills.

And each one of them ends the conversation with, “but I’m not a woman so I admit I can never completely understand the unique viewpoint of a woman.”

They want to help women and teach them the skills and give them the tools to be safer in their daily lives, but they know it sounds different coming from a man.

It’s not a myth, it’s a fact.

Research Says

Maybe you’ve read this article from Huffington Post regarding the things women do and think about before simply going for a run.

Maybe you’ve seen this Facebook post that went viral last year with over 560K shares talking about the things men and women do to prevent a sexual assault.

I’m not saying ALL men are oblivious to the things women think about before walking out their door every day. In fact, there are a lot of men who “get it” and want to help. However, they know they can be intimidating to women and cause triggered emotions, so they sit in silent frustration not knowing how to reach all women. Especially the women who really want the training and don’t know where to start.

What Are You Waiting For?

So, where does that leave you? Hopefully not just sticking your head in the sand and pretending “it will never happen to me.” If you’ve ever uttered the words, “but I live in a safe neighborhood” or “I don’t go to places where stuff like that happens” or “my husband/boyfriend/significant other knows all that stuff, so I don’t need to”.

Please take a moment to ask yourself, what would you do IF something happened to you.

You’ve probably heard it before, victims of crimes didn’t start their day thinking it would happen to them. No one plans to be attacked or victimized. So, what are you doing to prepare in case something happens?

You Can Do This!

You can start with taking the first step. Ask yourself the following questions (don’t speed read them either!). After reading a question, close your eyes and mentally picture the scenario in your head and how you would react.

What would you do…?

…if someone broke into your home while you were there?

…if you heard gunshots while you were grocery shopping?

…if you realized you were being followed?

…if a guy is getting in your personal space and won’t leave you alone?

Your Life Matters

You have value. You have worth. Your safety is paramount and if you have kids, you want to protect them as well. Take the initiative to invest in improving your personal safety skills. Look for class offerings in your area and get signed up.

The Diamond Arrow Group offers in-person classes on Situational Awareness. If you don’t live in our area, you can purchase the Situational Awareness and Intuition online training so you can learn tips & tricks from the comfort of your own home. Research and find self-defense classes near you that you can take. If you want guidance on where to go for those classes, send me an email. I’m happy to help.

I will refer you to people who can help you and won’t make you feel silly or stupid for asking the questions on your mind.

“I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand.”

-Susan B. Anthony