Be Bold, Be Curious, Be Kind

Be Bold, Be Curious, Be Kind

by | Mar 13, 2022 | Tips from Kelly

Here’s Kelly’s keynote from the Sharp Women Launch event, celebrating all women on International Women’s Day.

Wow. I look around this room and see so many faces that mean the world to me. Thank you for being here tonight to celebrate with me and everyone else in this room.

I started the Diamond Arrow Group five years ago this month. The reason why I named it Diamond Arrow was because years before that, I had read a quote about an arrow. It went something along the lines of, an arrow can only be shot forward by being pulled back, so when you feel like life is pulling you backwards, just focus and keep aiming because it’s about to launch you into something great. That was a great perspective shift for me on dealing with life’s challenges. When it came time to pick a name for my company, I wanted it to include an arrow. When I researched the meaning of different arrow phrases, I discovered an arrow through a diamond symbolizes courage or confidence moving forward. A solitary arrow can symbolize protection from harm. It was the perfect fit for my desire to help all women build their self-confidence to live life on their terms.

Now-that’s a big mountain to climb. Because each human is unique, with their dreams and desires, their motivations and the things they love, there are many paths to get to the top of the mountain. It really doesn’t matter which path you choose for you. There’s not a right or wrong path because what works for you, may not work for the person sitting next to you. I wanted to find a simple mantra that anyone could apply to their daily habits that not only applied to their personal safety, but all aspects of their life. That mantra was, be bold, be curious, be kind.

Be Bold: think back to when you were a little girl, maybe 2 or 3 years old. Picture her in your head- before the world told her who she could or couldn’t be- Ms. Sassafrass. Remember her spunk and courage to try new things. She didn’t look at a staircase and think, I can’t climb that-it’s too high. She didn’t stop to think about how she was going to reach each new step, she just started with the first one. Find her. Speak the words you would use to encourage her to figure out how to get to the top. Look around the room, you all made the bold decision to be here tonight. I’m willing to be most of you had no idea what to expect from tonight. To be honest, I didn’t really know either. I knew I wanted to have a party to celebrate publishing a book, but that was about it. As things started to fall into place, my vision became more clear. Rebekah working on setting up her Midwest book tour that coincided with my plans and both of us feeling strongly about having a charity component. Lori from Anna Marie’s Alliance being someone I worked with on a March of Dimes fundraiser so it was easy to call her directly with the Launch event idea. Calling Park Event Center and the woman who picked up asking if I was the same Kelly that worked at the CVB years ago, what are the odds? Really cool pieces of the puzzle seemed to fall into place naturally.

That’s when my self-doubt started chirping in my head. Who the heck do you think you are? What company is going to partner on your book launch event? Who the heck is going to pay you to come to your party? You better have an open bar.

That’s when I had to take my own advice. Kelly Sayre! You have built numerous events from scratch before! You’ve worked with teams of volunteers to accomplish a common goal! Stop listening to that negative voice in your head and be bold! The motivation for deciding to write a book wasn’t all pretty like a motivational poster, it was that little Ms. Sassafrass who was tired of the pandemic and threatened the Universe with an ultimatum. If you take away one more opportunity, I’m going to write a damn book! It’s amazing what channeling frustrations at things outside our control can do for motivation to achieve our goals.

Bet on yourself. Be bold. Because you made the bold decision to be here tonight, we were able to support Anna Marie’s Alliance. Use your voice to bring attention to the things that matter. Support other women being bold and working towards their goals. We can make anything happen when we work together.

Be Curious: The foundational skill of situational awareness is curiosity. That’s it. Being curious about your environment and the people in it. Juliana reminded me that it’s a proven fact women are better at reading non-verbal communication. Women are better at reading someone’s mood by tiny facial expressions. If you don’t believe me, watch a mom interact with her small child who doesn’t know how to talk yet. Watch a woman see her friend walk into the room and know instantly if something is up.

Our natural caretaking skills are the only reason why human beings are still on this planet. No offense to men, but there is a reason there are so many “when dad was left in charge of the baby” memes. Our curiosity is so natural that we don’t realize it’s our superpower. We intuitively feel the energy shift in a room. We don’t know how we know, but we just know when a loved one is struggling with something. That same feminine intuition skill can be applied to keep ourselves safe. When your instincts tell you something if off, whether that’s in the environment or with a person, trust it. As Gavin De Becker states, your intuition is always in response to something, and it always has your best interest in mind. You may never know what exactly was off that made your intuition alarm sound, but trust it. Your safety matters. You matter.

Be Kind: The world needs more kindness. I know that, you know that. Kindness and boundary enforcement are not mutually exclusive. You have a good, kind heart. Protect it like it’s the most precious thing it is. It’s a gift that has no limit. Sprinkle that stuff everywhere! One act of kindness has a multiplying effect and can make a world of difference to the person receiving it. It has value. Understand it’s worth, your worth. You are a gift to your family, your friends, your co-workers, the world.

And with any precious gift, protect it. You don’t have to give that gift to anyone who doesn’t deserve it. I want you to take your Sharp Women pledge, put it in a picture frame, grab a chalk marker or dry erase marker and write your name in the blank and sign the bottom. Hang it up somewhere you can see it every day. You are a Sharp Woman. You are precious. You matter. You never need to apologize for making your personal safety your priority. The world needs you and all the wonderful gifts you have to give. Remember-the world and the continuation of the human race depends on it. No pressure.

I want to thank all of you for giving me the gift of your time tonight. I’m honestly overwhelmed by the good vibes I’m feeling up on this stage. I don’t have enough words in my vocabulary to truly express what I’m feeling right now. As I look out into this room, I see the faces of people who have known me for decades, and faces that I’ve just met tonight.

Thank you for sharing the gift of yourself with me tonight. I appreciate you, and know that I’m cheering for each and every one of you to be the Sharp Woman you were born to be. Be bold, be curious, be kind-and always remember to live life on your terms.

Grab your copy of Kelly’s book, Sharp Women: Embrace Your Intuition, Build Your Situational Awareness, and Live Life on Your Terms here.

 

This Part Rarely Gets Talked About

This Part Rarely Gets Talked About

by | May 24, 2021 | Tips from Kelly

Last night, myself and other 500rising instructors attended a virtual training presentation on “Legal & Ethical Implications – The art of explaining yourself”. The training was pre-work for the in-person training next month to attain Level II certification. As always, the information Tammy McCracken (founder of 500rising) shared left me thinking, why don’t more instructors talk about this in self-defense classes?

A lot of self-defense training focuses on the physical aspect. How to hit or kick, and the best places on the human body to target. Many times, the training includes a tool that a person can carry to defend themselves and the best ways to use it. This area of study is all about being in the fight.

Fairly new to self-defense training (at least in the everyday women’s self-defense discussion) is situational awareness. How to observe your surroundings using all your senses. How that information is fed from your subconscious to your conscious. How to take action to avoid a physical confrontation. Reading other people’s body language and improving your own non-verbal signals to give off the vibe that you are not an easy target. This area of study focuses on before the fight, and what I geek out about.

The area I don’t see many social media posts, blogs, articles, etc. regarding is the aftermath.

*You became aware of a potential threat to your safety and tried to avoid it. Situational Awareness

*You weren’t able to avoid it, so now you are in a physical fight to defend yourself. Self-defense

*The fight is over, and you are alive. Now what? Aftermath

In the first few minutes after you have defended your life and stopped the threat, how will you feel? What will you do? What are the things you need to do?

Your body’s natural response to a threatening situation is an adrenaline rush. It helps your body react more quickly. It makes the heart beat faster and increases blood flow to the brain and muscles. It’s your “fight-or-flight” reaction. It can also decrease your ability to feel pain and give you a burst of strength to do something you wouldn’t be able to do under normal circumstances.

Coming down from that adrenaline rush can make you feel weak, tired, drained, and barely able to speak in complete sentences. You may be injured and needing medical attention, but you are alive and have the opportunity to heal.

Defending yourself in a fight is an act of violence. You did everything you could think of to avoid getting to that point, but it happened anyway. You’re a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend…you may never have thought of yourself as a woman who has a “mean right hook” or who knows what it feels like to do damage to human flesh. It can have a mental impact that lasts much longer than coming down from the adrenaline rush.

The aftermath of violence has physical, psychological, legal, and ethical impacts. The topic deserves its own focus as part of a well-rounded training program. The 500rising training last night went just over an hour and barely scratched the surface of aftermath. I’m looking forward to the in-person training next month to deepen my knowledge, so I can share it with you. Together, we can go from strength to strength and change the statistics on violence against women.

“Everything has the opportunity to heal, except death.”

-Kelly Sayre

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How Are You Doing Today?

How Are You Doing Today?

by | Jul 27, 2020 | Tips from Kelly

After Sheryl Sandberg’s husband passed away unexpectedly, she co-wrote the book “Option B” with Adam Grant. It’s a real and raw account of the pain of losing a spouse and the aftermath no one likes to talk about. One of the big takeaways I got from it was not to ask friends during difficult times “how are you doing?” because it “comes across as a standard greeting without genuine concern”.  Instead ask, “how are you doing today?” which is more specific and reminds them they don’t have to have the future figured out.

The revised question is now the only version I ask people because I genuinely care and want to know how they’re doing…today. If 2020 has shown us anything, it’s that nothing is certain. I can have the best plans set in place, I can have the prettiest vision board created, and in an instant, everything can change.

Dealing with constant change is exhausting. It’s overwhelming to try and control things that are out of your control. Learning to be flexible is important. Building resiliency is an absolute necessity. Learning to stay present and focused only on the day ahead of you takes practice. But the peace you get from letting go of tomorrow’s unknowns is wonderful. 

You’ve probably heard all of these things before. (I may or may not have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to beautiful quote pictures on these topics.) They are the basic life skills that we strive to understand and master in order to lead full and enriching lives. Self-care is the trend, especially during this time in history. Meditation, mindfulness, and building our confidence to live the life we want. I’ve seen a lot of posts asking people to really think about the things they want to add back in to their lives in the future. So much of our lives was put on hold and so many things we considered “normal” were turned upside down. Before you rush to “go back to normal”, take the time to ask yourself, “what do I really want normal to look like?”

All of those self-care habits and the opportunity to pause and truly decide what you want and don’t want in your life, are the same skills you use in your personal safety.

Living in fear of “what if something happens to me?” is exhausting and overwhelming. You can’t control another person’s actions, but you can control your boundaries and how you enforce them. Putting away distractions and staying present and mindful of your surroundings, is actually relaxing. When your intuition doesn’t have to fight for your attention, you will get the message that something’s not right quicker and be able to react faster.

When you have the opportunity to decide what self-defense tool would work best for you, you realize it doesn’t have to be what everyone else tells you to carry. As women, we either have a handbag full of crap we’re hauling around, or a cute little clutch. Our dress pants (and many other items of clothing) typically don’t have pockets. If they do, they’re small and non-functioning.

But guess what, those cute heels that you like to wear? Those can do some damage to the top of someone’s foot, their eyes, or even their neck if need be.

I like to say, “if all you had were your wits and fists, what could you do?”. You get to decide what works best for you. 

What I care about is helping you start looking at the life skills you’re already using, and applying them to your personal safety. When you start to gain confidence in your skills in one area of life, that confidence will spill over and help you gain confidence in other areas of your life.

Make sure to follow the DAG Instagram and Facebook pages so you can practice staying present in your daily life starting today. (Not a follower yet? Click here for IG and here for FB.)

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So…

How are you doing today?

Where is your comfort level regarding your own personal safety today? 

How can I help you today?