Episode 17

Episode 17

Episode #17: The Misconceptions of Violence and Self-Defense with Wim Demeere

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Depictions of self-defense and violence in TV and film naturally give us a sense of safety and reassurance that the bad guy will lose and that you should always take a criminal head on. Unfortunately, the theatrics of it all have given men (and women) a false look at self-defense. In this week’s episode, Kelly and Doug speak with martial arts and self-defense expert, Wim Demeere, and reference Wim’s widely-shared self defense blog post Self-defense tips for men. Together they discuss the complexities behind self-defense including: taking ownership over your actions, the importance of leaving your ego at the door, and de-escalating tense situations before violence occurs. 

For more of Wim’s instructional self-defense content, check out his Patreon site, updated monthly. There are over a thousand posts and hundreds of videos as he’s been doing this for over five years now. There is something at a price point for everybody and you can try it for free for a week.

Other topics we discussed:

  • Negative effects of romanticism of violence in TV and film
  • How to not let your ego affect your decisions in conflict
  • Understanding the distinctions between social and criminal violence
  • Defining your mission before conflict ever arises
  • Deescalation tactics for when a conflict occurs 
  • The importance of self-awareness and ownership in conflict
  • How to face threats from other individuals (Peyton Quinn’s Rules)
  • Why a face-saving exit in conflict isn’t the safest option
  • The Highway of Violence

Wim Demeere has almost 40 years of training in several martial arts and self-defense systems: Kung Fu, Tai Chi Chuan, Sanshou, muay Thai, MMA, etc. 

He has been a full-time personal trainer since 1994, has occasionally worked as a bouncer, and in his words, he had a non-eventful military service. Wim has been a national champion Quinda multiple times, and won a bronze medal at 1993 Wushu World Championships Sanshou (-90Kg). Wim has shared his knowledge with thousands of people as the author of numerous instructional books, self-defense videos, and his podcast  titled, Wim Demeere’s Podcast. He is the owner and writer of one of the oldest martial arts and self-defense blogs, Wimsblog.com.

Connect with Wim:

Website: https://wimsblog.com/ 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/ptccm 

IG@wimdemeere 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WimDemeerePage

Check out the blog post referenced in this video: https://wimsblog.com/2013/04/self-defense-tips-for-men/ 

 Connect with Doug and Kelly: 

 Follow The Diamond Arrow Group on Instagram and Facebook, and Kelly Sayre on LinkedIn and Twitter.

You can find Doug at @texasspydad, or on LinkedIn and Twitter.

Check Kelly’s new book Sharp Women that guides you through embracing your best self-defense weapon – your intuition.    

Please click ‘Follow’ or ‘Subscribe’ on your favorite podcast platform, and we’d love to hear what you think is the best piece of advice you’ve heard on the podcast to-date in a Review on your podcast platform!

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Episode 17

Episode 9

Episode #9: How to Recognize and React to Stalking Behaviors

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Being stalked is no joke, and in this episode Kelly and Doug dig into controversial topics related to stalking.  What exactly constitutes stalking?  Are there differences in how men and women should and do react to stalking?  How do you stop stalking behavior once you’ve recognized it?  What resources are available to you if you’re unsure you’re being stalked but feel uncomfortable?  And what is the role of intent when talking about stalking behavior?

Scroll down for this week’s Episode Key.  You’ll find all of the mentioned links, articles, daily habits, and other tips and tricks in there. 

It is far too common an occurrence to feel that “off” feeling in your gut or suspect someone might be following you on the streets or maybe stalking you online, but also feel uncomfortable reporting it because you are unsure if you are correct or possibly mistaking the situation.  

Listen to this episode of Thrive Unafraid to learn how to:

  • Determine if you’re being stalked
  • Steps to take if you’re being stalked
  • Where to go for help if you’re being stalked or simply feel uneasy about a situation
  • How to recognize warning signs and trust your instincts
  • How to confront a stalker safely

Kelly shares stories from women who have confided in her about their stalking experiences, how they handled the situation, and Kelly shares further expertise and insight on how to safely interact with a potential stalker or when to skip straight to the authorities.

Gain the confidence to Live Life Unafraid with situational awareness and personal safety guidance from this episode. 

Ready to join the conversation?  

Follow The Diamond Arrow Group on Instagram and Facebook, and Kelly Sayre on LinkedIn and Twitter.

You can find Doug at @texasspydad, or on LinkedIn and Twitter.

Check Kelly’s new book Sharp Women that guides you through embracing your best self-defense weapon – your intuition.    

Please click ‘Follow’ or ‘Subscribe’ on your favorite podcast platform, and we’d love to hear what you think is the best piece of advice you’ve heard on the podcast to-date in a Review on your podcast platform!

View the Transcript

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“How the heck is a flashlight going to help you?”

“How the heck is a flashlight going to help you?”

The question came from an older woman in the crowd. She was also laughing and shaking her head when she heckled me from the audience. I had just held up my palm sized, pink, J5 Tactical Flashlight and told the entire room it was my favorite personal safety tool.

Since I absolutely love my tactical flashlight and always carry it with me, I wasn’t fazed. In fact, I welcomed the opportunity to go more in depth on WHY a small, compact flashlight is a great self-defense tool for women.

It Fits in the Palm of My Hand

I can comfortably hold and conceal the flashlight in my hand when I’m walking down the street. I can hold on to it and put my hands in my coat pockets without being obvious that I’m holding it (which draws attention to you and makes you look like YOU have something to hide). Its compact size also fits in my clutch purse on date nights and when I go out with friends. Let’s face it, there’s not a lot of room in those small handbags and I don’t want to go anywhere without a tool for protection.

It’s Heavy Duty

This is not a plastic flashlight. It’s made of aircraft-grade aluminum and is impact and water resistant. I keep it in my handbag and as the mom of two small boys, I have a lot of random stuff being thrown in there.

(Basically-I’m ready for anything. Did you spill lunch on your shirt? I have a Tide pen. Need a band-aide? I have a mini first aid kit. Hungry or thirsty? I have snacks and drinks. Need small, metal cars to keep your kids occupied? Would you like a car or a truck?)

Also-J5 Tactical offers a lifetime guarantee on their flashlights, no questions asked.

It Can Go Everywhere

On a work trip to Washington D.C., a friend and I planned a morning run to the Washington Memorial before the conference started. I brought my Mace Sport Model (it has a strap to secure the spray to your hand) to bring on the run. On the way home, I got stopped by TSA because I forgot to transfer the Mace from my handbag to my checked luggage. The male TSA agent said, “I’m really sorry to have to take this because I think all women should carry Mace, but I can’t let you get on the airplane with it.” You know what he didn’t have to take? The tactical flashlight that was also in my handbag.

I’ve gone to outdoor music festivals on the beach, caught professional baseball games in stadiums, attended rock concerts in large and small venues, and flown to other countries-all with the tactical flashlight in my handbag.

It Uses AA Batteries

At home, I have a bazillion AA batteries because just about every one of my kid’s toys that need batteries, takes that size. Having a self-defense tool I carry every day, use a battery I have on hand, is practical. I don’t need to search endcap displays for an obscure “ABC3241” size battery. If I’m being completely honest, if it required a special battery when it went dead, it would stay dead.

I Don’t Worry About My Kids Getting Ahold of It

If you have young kids, I’m sure they listen and obey all your rules 100% of the time…right?

(It’s a rhetorical question, don’t worry-you don’t have to answer that ?)

Even though they’ve been told to ask before digging through my handbag, my boys love to find the snacks I mentioned earlier any time they think I’m not paying attention.

I swear we feed them!

I love not worrying about them finding my tactical flashlight and hurting themselves. Yes, they may temporarily blind each other or even themselves, but it’s not anything that won’t go away in the time it takes me to ask “what’d ya learn?”

Which leads me to the next feature I love…

It’s Really Bright

The J5 Tactical flashlight is 300 lumens. It also allows you to choose from a focused or wide beam of light. To get an idea of how bright that is, a small, handheld flashlight is typically 15-100 lumens.  Another great feature of this flashlight is it has three modes- high, low, and strobe. You can temporarily blind someone with the high or low light mode and cause disorientation with the strobe setting. This allows you to further convince a potential attacker “not me, not today”.

Who Else Has a Flashlight at Night?

In my presentations, I talk about the things potential attackers look for when selecting their victims. They watch the way you carry yourself when you walk and if you’re distracted. At night, you probably won’t see them watching you until they step out of the shadows to approach you. If you have your flashlight turned on as you walk down the street or through the parking lot, they’re going to see the beam of light before they see you. Who else has a flashlight at night? Law enforcement and security guards. An attacker is not going to stick around to find out if you’re a cop, they’re going to get away from the light. They don’t want to be seen!

Remember-having situational awareness is about AVOIDING a physical confrontation.

The Beveled Edge Would Leave a Mark

I like to think my cute little pink tactical flashlight is representative of me. It’s not intimidating at first glance but when you notice the beveled edge, you know it could do some damage if a situation called for it.

I hold the flashlight so my thumb rests on the button to turn it on. If I’m walking down the street during the day, the end that the light shines from is actually facing behind me. In order to use it to shine light in someone’s face, I need to bring my arm up by bending my elbow. By doing that motion, it’s in the ready position to throw a hammer punch to an arm, face, collar bone or whatever bony part of an attacker’s body is most readily available (if they’re tall, the bridge of their nose may be out of reach). My goal is to cause the most amount of pain, as quickly as possible on an attacker.

At night, I hold the flashlight the same way because it keeps the beam of the flashlight steady as I’m walking, making it easier to see what’s ahead of me. If a potential attacker steps out of the shadows, the flashlight is on and at eye level. I can use my voice to loudly ask, “Can I help you?”. Based on their response to that question (is it simply someone walking my way or do they have ill-intentions), I can continue on my way or take action to get to safety.

If you want to see examples of moves in action, watch this brief segment on the NY Living morning show.

Oh…and it Helps Me See in the Dark

Let’s not forget that it’s also a functioning flashlight. I like practical tools because I already carry enough stuff in my handbag (see my list above). I can scan my surroundings as I’m walking from point A to point B. When I reach my vehicle, I can scan around it and any vehicles next to mine, to make sure no one else is there.

Anyone Can Carry A Flashlight

Whether you’re just starting to think about carrying something for your personal safety or you’ve been carrying tools for years (Mace, Personal Alarm, Knife, Firearm, etc.), a tactical flashlight is something anyone and everyone should have. Do you have a sister, mom, daughter, niece, cousin, friend you care about? A tactical flashlight makes a great practical gift that they will have and use for years.

In fact, if you want to get one for yourself and one for someone you care about, send me an email and I’ll give you a deal on buying two tactical flashlights. ?

“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.”

-Helen Keller

Episode 2

Episode #2: Hypocrisy in Society

In this episode, Kelly and Doug unpack the double standards and hypocrisy of the way we treat male victims and survivors, as well as the way we interpret female bad behavior.
Listen on:

What if your goal were to pick up something a little bit more today than you knew about yourself yesterday, and how to stay safe and take personal responsibility for keeping yourself and your family safe out there?  That’s ever our goal in the Thrive Unafraid podcast, and we’re so very glad you’re joining us today as we discuss:

  • Hypocrisy and inappropriate behaviors
  • Double-standards we’ve learned to ignore
  • The definition of stalking and applying that to uncomfortable situations
  • What is boundary-pushing and how does this harmful phenomenon take place?
  • Identifying, setting, and enforcing your emotional boundaries

Click below to download the hidden gems in this week’s Episode Key!

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about hypocrisy?  How do you feel about double standards?  Whether it’s between men and women, children and adults, racial, class-based, or by any other imposed assumption, it’s high time we as a society become more aware of the double standards we both use and are subjected to in daily life. 

Hear one of Doug Patteson’s own personal stories about an uncomfortable comment that perfectly demonstrates just how different expectations and limitations for men versus women can oftentimes be in our culture today.  Then dive straight into dissecting what the norm should be, from two experts in personal safety and situational awareness with distinct views on the topic.

Then, learn how to identify, set, and enforce your own emotional boundaries, which is a foundational step in the road to learning full situational awareness and keeping yourself and your family safe from harm.

Join us biweekly as we discuss how to avoid the escalation necessitating self-defense classes, training, and techniques, and dive deep into the tactics, tips, and tricks that will help you identify potentially dangerous situations and remove yourself or your loved ones from them before a ‘situation’ ever arises.

Follow us @thediamondarrowgroup and @texasspydad on Instagram for more of our best advice.  We’re also easily found on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, educating the masses.

Visit thediamondarrowgroup.com for more information on situational awareness training near you (or to request it!), as well as more free resources.

For more examples of situations where you (or another woman in your life) should be using situational awareness or evaluating differently, check out Kelly’s new book Sharp Women and ensure you’re equipped with the tools and skills you need to stay safe at all times. 

 

Absolutely love the podcast and want to say thanks to Doug and Kelly for providing such life-altering advice FOR FREE?  The best thanks you can give is via a quick, short review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whichever podcast platform you’re currently listening on.  Tell us what you love and what you’re excited to hear more of.  Seriously, it only takes two minutes…

Thanks for being here with us! 

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Fold In The Cheese David!

Fold In The Cheese David!

Over the last five years, I’ve had numerous conversations with experts in the physical self-defense and violence prevention space. What I’ve found so fascinating is 80% of our conversations centered around the roles situational awareness and intuition play in helping women improve their safety and security. When I asked these experts for recommendations on trainings I could take or conferences I could attend to learn these valuable skills, they didn’t know of anything offered for the everyday person, especially women.

Yes, there are trainings available for threat assessment professionals in specific career fields. There are a few books on situational awareness, but most of them are written from a male’s perspective or use a lot of tacti-cool jargon (though me and a few other badass women I know are changing that and getting published!). Yes, there are lots of self-defense classes marketed to women, but they tend to focus on the physical aspect.

How can a skill, that is supposed to prevent you from getting into a physical altercation in the first place, have such limited resources available for women to learn from?  It doesn’t make sense!

Society should not be telling women they can’t do something because it MIGHT be unsafe. Bad things happen to people while they’re going about their day NOT doing anything risky. To live a life in fear because no one helped you learn the skills to keep yourself safe is wrong. It’s time to make a change.

Years ago, I received an email newsletter with “The top 50 things women could do to start being safer immediately”. Some of the advice in the newsletter included “don’t mix alcohol and strangers”, “don’t go through a drive-thru late at night”, and “don’t let a stranger walk behind you”.

Uhm…do you see what’s wrong with these so-called “tips”? The advice is not helpful! They could’ve saved space by just saying, “don’t have a life”.

Telling me to NOT do something is not helping me learn how to be safe. (I talked about this on IG here). My inquiry has always been, teach me how to be safe in any situation and defend myself when necessary.

Women have amazing intuition skills that we use every day in different capacities. As mothers, friends, co-workers, and partners-we are the best at noticing when something is off with someone. We immediately know something is different than the day before by the slight difference in how someone says, “good morning”.

Those same instincts can be used to tell you someone is trying to manipulate you. They can tell you someone is not behaving in a way you would normally expect to see in the coffee shop. They tell you the creepy vibe you get from that one person is real, even if everyone else seems to brush it off as “just being friendly”.

I created The Diamond Arrow Group to help all women realize they already have the skills to keep themselves and their loved ones safer. They simply need to look at those skills from a personal safety perspective. I act as the translator between the information and trainings geared towards experts in threat assessment and the everyday woman who wants to feel confident in her personal safety skills.

I know without a doubt, you can live life on your own terms. I’m here to show you how.